Lawnmowers

Got my ass handed to me by one.

True. freaking. statement.

Also, a bakery. And a lingerie shop.

BUT STILL I REMAIN A CAMWHORE. And try to be all punk, with my spiky 'do. (*whispers* It's to hide the unevenness of the cut. Like, shaved bald in places.)


Hey, kids -- when your parents tell you it's a really bad idea to give yourself a haircut with the kitchen scissors over the bathroom sink...listen to what they're saying. (Your parents, not the voices.) As you can see, I didn't, and now look like a lawnmower heard me talking about its mother. I look like a bakery and lingerie shop joined in on the beating because I'm fat and naked in the pictures, for reasons only I can fathom.

Augh. Off to complete my errands.

Archives

I'm putting in archives of my old blogs from blogdrive into this blog, because...I want it to look like I have something to say? I don't know.

So suddenly there will be an influx of entries from 2004 onwards. Ignore it. You can't comment on them; they're not tagged; they're only there so that my past does not get deleted.

This is also part of my reasoning behind tattoos. I wish to be a living breathing history of myself.

Ding dong!

The bitch is gone!

And the locks are changed!

And I'm doing my laundry!

Yay!

Also I learned a new word for lesbianism: tribadism. It refers to lesbians who simulate hetero sex, especially -- ie, penetration. But I'm using it in my novel with a wider application -- that's the beauty of fantasy novels. You can make words fit to your will.

And it's wow and booze time now!

WTFWTFWTFWTF

Arg. Today is the day from hell.

Our tenant upstairs from me is a right bitch. She hasn't paid her rent for a month+ now or half of her damage deposit -- she owes us a total of $1300. And she's slowly moving out -- but I have no keys to upstairs and she's been taking her sweet ass time getting her shit out of there. So today I tell her I need her keys, forwarding address and all her shit gone by the end of the day.

"I'll be out by the 15th, like I told your mom."

You told the police you'd be out by the 15th of May, but whatever. "You haven't paid the rent, [name omitted]."

"I gave your mom $200 dollars."

So....? "That's not the rent."

"Yeah, well, she knew I wasn't going to pay it and she's known it for way longer than you've been in the picture." *storms off*

I neglected to remind her that I've been in the picture for 22 years and will be for a while yet. Furthermore, I'm the director of the company that owns the property, so I'm equal parts landlady with my mom. ARG.

Anyway, we'll be calling a locksmith soon, and I'm moving her shit out for her. Into the car-port. I would put it out into the rain, but I don't feel like dealing with her if it gets damaged. And then I can clean the place and rent it out, or maybe sell the fucking house.

AND I HAVE NO ACCESS TO A WASHER AND DRYER WHILE THIS IS GOING ON. I SWEAR TO GODS, THE CONSTANT SAGA OF MY LIFE IS NEVER HAVING CLEAN CLOTHING BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE IS FUCKING WITH MY RIGHT TO A WASHER AND GODDAMN DRYER.

I would use the laundrette, but that takes money, which is something I don't have. (Literally. I don't have change for the laundrette.) And I would use my mom's washer and dryer, except the washer is waiting for a part and a fix-up and so won't in commission for a week. The dryer works, but handwashing...? Like, a week's worth. If I spent all my time doing it. ALL my time. I literally have two and a half full hampers of dirty laundry, I'm down to two pairs of underwear, and re-wearing bras till I really shouldn't even anymore. I'm out of outfits. I have clothes, but nothing nice, nothing to look good in, except my winter clothes, which it's too hot for. The only washer and dryer that work that I can use are upstairs, in the front porch area of the upstairs suite, and which she has not given me keys for.

You know what happened when she first moved in there? She thought the clothing I was washing belonged to the former tenant and so she trashed it. I got there in time to rescue my work clothing, but some of my favorite outfits never recovered.

I'm ready to kill the bitch. No jury would convict me.



SO. I go to get my shit done, i.e. distributing Immanence to Lund, which is a good 20-30 klicks north of town. Quite a trip. I get there. Half the places have the June Issue already, WHICH OF COURSE NO ONE TOLD ME BECAUSE WHY WOULD I NEED TO KNOW THAT? But the other half don't have the issue, which makes me wonder WHO THE FUCK did such a poor-ass job. I mean, jesusfuck, if you're going out to fucking LUND you may as well hit up EVERYTHING out there. Make the trip worthwhile. So I distribute to the places that don't have it and now I'm out of magazines and sitting down writing this blog entry, because if I don't rant somewhere I'll kill something. Or someone. Or EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.

It's called going postal. And as Moist von Lipwig can tell you, there's a reason for that title.

Lol Youtube

Pardon the random spamming, but OMG I love these vids.

Annnnnd I'm done.

wank

i'm tired of posting on my LJ. i think i'll just stay over there for all the drahmah and wank that goes on in the communities. it's entertaining.

yes, last time i posted i was < / 3-en, but it passed. or rather i should say our relationship is repaired, fine, but i'll never get over the < / 3. i never do. it's just there forever and at some point it gets easier to ignore or deal with. it doesn't mean things have changed drastically or anything. i still love Travis, he still loves me, we both still have major fucking issues. we're still long distance. we're still making it work. it's still hard. i'm feeling really conflicted right now. i want to be back in canada but not in powell river, because i come back and suddenly there's shitloads of stuff for me to deal with and it's major stressful. i have no money, for one, but don't want/can't handle a job because my back is in such major pain. i want to go back to hawaii, even though i know that would be really stupid for a lot of reasons. i don't necessarily want to go back to the house i'm staying in up here because the other tenant is fucking nuts, but i don't want to stay at my mom's house because it's cold and i miss my bed. i miss Travis and want him to be near me, whether that means here or in hawaii. honestly i'd rather be with Travis, in nanaimo, going to school. that would be the best option. but i don't think i can save enough money for that because i don't think there's a job i can do. i don't know. i just want to disappear into one of my books and not come out for a very long time. is that so much to ask for? g2g, fingers getting frostbite.

stupid stupid me

i was pretty damn silly to think he would be the one who wouldn't break my heart. that i wouldn't get my heart broken again.

so i let my heart open up, break its shell, and what happens? i get stabbed.

so what else is new.

and also

I got a gift for Travis today. Because I love him.

Cave of Wonders: May 9th, 2008

Went shopping today! Yay!

My back was in agony all day, but I had fun nonetheless. Got a lot of cool things. I spend money so quickly; it's ridiculous. But I was also very good. I resisted lots.

At Ikea yesterday I got this:

it's for holding plastic bags under the sink or in the cupboard.

this is for my stein collection:

black pleather curtains for my dungeon bedroom:

a computer desk:

and the coup d'grace, a four poster canopy bed (metal frame). enough room for two largish people (the best part). ;)

and now it's bedtime. I'm quite tired; need my sleep. Tomorrow -- on to Powell River!

And a better computer.

Gaia blog: what is the most important constant in your life?

The most important constant in my life has only been around for two years. His name is Travis, and I love him with all of my heart. 

Yes, he's my significant other. Very significant. 

Travis and I met at a party at Denny's in 2006. I was going through the tail end of a grieving process, helped along by my good friend anti-depressants; he was at the end of a bad friends-with-benefits scenario which had followed years of singleness after his first and only real relationship, which had ended badly. Needless to say we're both wounded people.

We soon became friends, and very soon started dating. I had just decided to move back to Canada from Maui, ticket bought and everything --- when I fell in love with him. I figured I just wouldn't say it, and then I wouldn't have to worry about getting attached, because so long as I didn't say it it wouldn't be "true" -- but I also knew that if he said it to me first, I was doomed. I couldn't not say it back. That would be the same as lying about it. And I've had that lie told to me before. It was unbearable. 

So. Packing is going well, planning for the trip and all -- then one morning after a night spent cuddling on the floor of my empty living room, he says it. 

Dammit.

I wanted to keep things simple. The reason I asked him out was because I felt little attraction to him, meaning I wouldn't get attached. I wanted a fling, nothing more, something with which to end my time in Maui on a good note....

...and my stupid heart had to get involved. Haven't you learned? I scream at it. Don't you know where this road leads? To destruction! I cry, trying to remind it. 

Oh, it knows. It recognizes the pattern -- I fall in love and get hurt -- but it can't help itself. Neither can I. 

I go to Canada for two months, work all that time on my house and adopt a dog, creating a string of attachment for me there. The two months is enjoyable in a bittersweet fashion, because I'm apart from Travis for so long...but know I'll see him again in August (unfortunately after our birthdays, because we couldn't arrange to spend them together -- we're both Leos). 

I come back under pretense of going to school -- but everyone knows it's for him. I stagger through my classes that fall, and in winter Travis and I both go to Canada, so his Hawaiian butt can see snow and meet my family (aside from Mom). 

Dad loves him. This is big. Dad hates all his daugthers' boyfriends as a matter of course. Well, not hates. Is very harsh on though. And he's easier on Travis than he is on me. True story. 

Great. My family loves him, I love him, he loves me, we're coming up on a year and what the hell happened to not being attached? I thought I'd gotten used to the single life! Accepted it even. And now I'm in so deep with this relationship business I don't know if I can survive without him. 

Health reasons force me to stay in Canada and Travis to go back. We're apart for 9 months. We talk everyday. I rack up thousands of dollars in long distance. Go through many moments of very-nearly-breaking-up just because it would be easier than staying together through long distance. Because I'm afraid of working at it. I'm so used to just walking away that I can't imagine any other solution. 

But I force myself to stay. He forces me to stay. And we work through things, and are better for it. 

Towards the end of the nine months I am going crazy and know that if I don't go back to him I'll go off the deep end, so I quit my job and book a flight...to certain doom. 

I'm still here. I got a job here in November and got fired in January. LIfe in Maui is worse, and I can't wait to get back to Powell River. But the one constant that has kept me upright, kept me going, even when I wanted to strangle him, is Travis. 

He's healed so many of my wounds. Helped me to see my own beauty (which I didn't even know I had). Helped me to love myself, to see myself as a sexual being, to allow myself to be smart. He encourages my creativity, my interests, my passions -- he tells me to go for it when everyone else says I'll never make it. 

And he, too, has been healed, though that is for him to articulate. Suffice it to say that I know we heal each other, and support each other, and love each other, more than I ever thought possible. 

Travis is my most important constant. He's replaced drugs, alcohol, cutting, anti-depressants. This April will be a full two years since my last suicide attempt, my last anti-depressant, my last drug use, my last cutting. (I drink socially still, but not that often.) 

I hate mathematics, but I will say my favorite ratio is 1:1 -- where one is he and one is me. 

Yogensha | Yoko Kanno

I have no idea what to put on this blog. I have an unhealthy obsession. 

Goodbye, Blogdrive

I am leaving Blogdrive. It is no longer as active as it once was, and I've fallen out of love with it. I still love the people, but I do not post here as much as I once did.

I will be leaving most of my blogs up, but strictly as archives. You may continue to visit at your leisure.

Those of you still interested in following my online life can find my personal blog at Scratching Post, my prose blog at Mount Impri, my poetry blog at antichrist awakening, and my Witchcraft blog at Grayheart's Grimmerie. LJ is just much easier to use. And gives me the option of making my posts private or friendslocked, which is nice.

Farewell, BD. We've had a good run.

-Jag

1000 no kotoba

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG WISDOM TEETH.

And 6610 words in Nano.

Must...reach...10k tomorrow.

Constancy

I'm feeling quite good about myself. I just wrote 2244 words on my novel, and finished Chapter One (4365 words total). Tomorrow I plan to start Chapter 2 and hopefully write another 4000 words, as I'm about 5835 behind right now.

Catch up is fun!

You can head over to my Nano blog at http://evlockenano.blogdrive.com or at http://evlocke.livejournal.com -- they both have the same stuff. :) Excerpts for your reading pleasure, etc.

And now I disappear to shower.

Lucia di Lammermoor

Since coming home, I have been so exhausted, and have no reliable computer access. Sure, I can use one of Travis's computers, but I can't hog them. So here is my first entry since leaving Canada.

Hawaii is as I remember it, mostly. Hot. Sticky. Bad drivers everywhere. They should be shot. Some stores have closed down; others have opened up. The new dorms are still unfinished, and looking to cost $3000 a semester, if you can believe it. Freaking privatization.

Travis's room is still an unholy mess.

This is coming from me, the girl who likes to see what exactly will grow in her room when it's left to its own devices.

Enough said.

Life with Travis is wonderful, despite the ROOM FROM HELL. Endless sex, if I do say so myself -- last night a record of three consecutive times. Yes, I am just that hot. And we were about to get it on in the living room after a shower when his dad came home from work early.

*cue blush*

Can't look his father in the face now.

Ah well.

We've made a Celtic New Year's Resolution to Eat Right and Get Fit. Travis is doing great; I am made of fail. So what else is new? It's so easy to be lazy! But I am trying. Sort of. I'm giving it the old slacker try. :D

And I'm writing a novel, which you probably know from my Nanowrimo blog, Mt. Impri. Go. Read. Not like it's very good. (It's not supposed to be, dammit!)

Signing off to write.
J

Electronic Flip | M-Seven

I was just thinking how I should save my entry to Microsoft Word when it got deleted.



GOD DAMMIT. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">50 Questions I've likely never answered!


1. What's your favorite episode of Sex and the City?
The Robot Chicken Golden Girls spoof of it.
2. What's a big misconception about you?
That I'm a nice straight girl. ;)


3. If you could have a free pass from your SO, is there a celebrity that you wouldn't say no to, if they wanted to sleep with you? :
Jack Black. Or Angelina Jolie.


4. Have you ever taken an anti-depressant for its intended purposes?
Yes.


5. Do you like your neighbors?
NO.


6. What are the last 3 CD's you've listened to?
Uh. Whatever's on iTunes?


7. Have you ever had sex with more than 1 person in a single day?:
Ew.


8. What's the last food/drink purchase you wanted your money back on?
Uh. No clue.


9. Who is your favorite DAY TIME talk show host?
None.


10. Do you like "big boy toys"?
Maybe?


11. Do you sleep with your closet door open or closed?
Can't sleep, clowns will eat me.


12. Have you ever used sex to get your way in a situation?
No. That's what my boyfriend does to me. :D


13. What type of Church do you attend?
Nature.


14. Would you rather have a bucket stuck on your head or a bucket stuck on your hand for 24 hours and why?
How long would it be on my head?


15. Who did you copy this from?
7onders.


16. What is the last dead thing you saw?
No clue.

17. Do you like playing Trivia games?
Sure?


18. Can you skate on roller skates?
No.


19. What are your favorite animals?
Wolves.

20. If you had to either milk a cow for an hour or shovel cow poop with a large soup spoon for an hour, which would you choose?
Milk a cow. Done a goat before; should be easy.

21. Do you know anyone in the military?
Probably.


22. Which finger could you do without?
None.
23. Have you ever slept out on the beach before?
Not at night.


24. Do you think you've ever been abducted by aliens and just had it erased from your memory?
No, I was left here by aliens.


25. Do you know anyone who's name starts with an M who makes you laugh a lot?
Makana!


26. Do you think you would look good with a bald head?
Only if I were skinny. :(


27. How much do you pay for hair care products when it's time to buy more?
A lot.


28. How often do you go to a salon to get your hair done?
Every year and a half.


29. In 5 words or more, how would you describe the person you copied this from?
Remember, remember, the 7th oneder of Blogdrive


30. Do either of your parents have any tattoos?
Yes


31. Does your significant other/crush have any tattoos?
No. :(


32. Do you make yourself cry to get out of trouble?
No.


33. Do you believe in Secret Society's?
The Secret Society's what?


34. Do you have a bad temper?
I have a temper. Bad/good is a matter of perspective.


35. When was the last time you used the restroom?
Half an hour ago.


36. Would you rather have the ability to make time stand still and start again at your whim or to be able to fast forward time and do things over?
The first one.

37. Do you know your significant other/ ex significant other's mother's name?
Yes.


38. Do you remember your first crush's middle name?
I don't think he had one.


39. Did you used to play with all the neighborhood kids when you were young?
Sure. We played kidnap the beautiful princess then rape her in the tower. With ropes. This TOTALLY doesn't explain my current BDSM relationship.


40. What's something about feminine hygiene products that doesn't make sense to you?
WHY ARE THEY SO UNCOMFORTABLE OMG.


41. Is there any movie that you have never seen but will NOT watch no matter what?
Those Christian Apocalypse things.


42. Do you worry about burglars?
Ham-burglars.


43. Have you ever had real thoughts about suicide?
Yes. I've even attempted it.


44. Would you ever name your dog Mr. Barky Von Schnauzer?
*bursts into laughter*


45. Why do people name their kids things like Apple, Tulip, Peach, Diamonds, etc?
Because they're retarded.
46. What casino type card game do you do well at?
None.


47. Have you ever wanted to swim in a pool of Jello?
It would feel nice.


48. Have you ever physically hurt an object out of anger?
Yes.


49. Do you have a friend or family member who has a septum piercing?
I don't know....


50. What do you think of these shoes?

Pwetty. :)

Breaking News

Didja hear?

I know! Totally crazy.

Lol, actually, no. Ashen and I totally called it. Didn't we?

And in other news, that blister could be more than an allergic reaction. I don't want to say more until I know for sure, but if you could keep me in your prayers/send some healing energy my way, I'd sure appreciate it.

I'm supposed to be leaving Hicksville tomorrow and I'm no where near packed. And the dog took himself for a walk, so he may end up in the pound tomorrow. Fucker.

Gotta run and do stuff.

Nharg.

So that burning I felt?

Allergic reaction.

I have a blister in a place one should never get a blister.

So much pain.

Not fun.

Waiting for Dr to call me back and let me know a) what it was he used and b) what can I do to fix it? Because the cream I got from the other Dr is almost gone, and it hasn't made the blister go away.



AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!

There's a good reason these tables are numbered honey you just haven't thought of it yet

I just got back from the hospital. Had a Mirena IUD (intrauterine device) put in. Yay for contraceptives! Non-yay for the incredible pain I'm in.

Luckily I was sedated and slept through the whole procedure. However, I reacted badly to the prep fluid (lube, basically, and to my cunt it feels like the "tingling sensation" lube from HELL), and was completely nervous about a) the needles for the IV, and b) the tampon of DEATH applicator for the IUD. Which is why I'm glad I slept through it. :D

And my lovely co-worker agreed to work tonight for me. I owe her big-time.

So from now on (the next 5 years) I not only don't have to worry about pregnancy, but also the progesterone on the IUD will make my periods lighter and possibly make them disappear all together.


YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY.

Off to relax.

*skips off to play WoW*

ZOMGwriting

So I have joined NaNoWriMo, even though I have no computer of my own right now and probably won't by Nov. 1st.

But we all know I'm crazy.


Now I must find a plot and some characters and oh yeah a setting.

Not to mention the computer.


In other news, Immanence is weighing heavily on me. It shouldn't. I've totally stepped back from it. Or rather, I would have liked to do so. I want to turn it over to my mom.

I began as editor for the mag. I was also the website creator. That's been since turned over to Corey, my business partner. I hope to pass editor onto my mom. She's better at it anyway.

I have more to rant on this subject but now is not the time. So I'm going to grind to 34 on my Draenei Hunter and then maybe post some more.

Or not. Time will tell.