I really wish I could draw better so I could start my own webcomic and get rich.

/sigh. I guess I'll just have to stick to the romance novel business.

Summer School and Thunderstorms

Right, so first day in Digital Media and I'm blogging. 

What? I'm already done with my lab. And I don't have internet at home right now because Shaw is run by schizophrenic retarded monkeys. 

Speaking of, tonight is our preview/dress rehearsal for Criminal Genius and I'm going to die. I know my lines, but some of them just won't fucking stick and it's driving me crazy. Thanks, George F. Walker, for writing real dialogue, as opposed to, I don't know, natural. That is not what acting is about -- people don't want reality when they go to the theatre, they want naturalism. Save reality for reality. 

I really need to pee. 

Using a Mac, which is nice. I like Macs. Going to buy myself one this summer, with the money that's magically going to fly out of my butt. 

Still waiting for student loan to come through so I can pay for my classes and rent. 

Yes, I'm in a nice new place -- better than the ghetto and cheaper. 

Yesterday there was a freak thunderstorm after a wonderfully sunny morning; today has been gray and rainy all day but it's not yet noon, so maybe things will look up while I'm stuck inside rehearsing, because FUCK YOU KATJE. 

Class started out with electronica music -- mash-up specifically -- and I think it may have turned some people off. WHICH IS HILARIOUS. 

Ok, well, I'm done now. There is more to say, but not enough time to say it in. 

-K

AMDA?

I can make it. 

i know what i want out of life. yet i still don't know how to get there.

i know what i want out of life. yet i still don't know how to get there. explore #3
Originally uploaded by Bee.Photography

And how.

Uscita Corso di Fotografia Linea5

Uscita Corso di Fotografia Linea5, originally uploaded by c0ntr0.

This photo I had to blog. Reminds me so much of my friend Laura-Lee, who is wonderful and fabulous.

little known fact

when your director or stage manager says "[date] is your off-book date, so please work very hard at memorizing for that day" what s/he really means is "LEARN YOUR FUCKING LINES."

just, you know. liability, lawsuits, etc. we can't all be like Michael Bay. 

shattered dream

I love chick flicks. 

They affirm the fact that I will be horrendously alone for the rest of my life. 

They affirm that I will, in fact, die alone. 

Because we all die alone. 

Feminist Blog War: It's Raining Cats and Dogs

I've been reading more feminist blogs lately (used to be a bad idea, but I've found that by this point a lot of feminists have calmed down and there's less anger, more coherent arguments -- always a good thing) and apparently it's held by a large portion of the feminist camp that cats are the true feminist pet to have, whereas dogs are looked down upon. 

I am joining my fellow feminist dog lovers Renee (at Womanist Musings), Jill (at Feministe), and Season of the Bitch and blogging about my particular canine companion, Major, and my thoughts on cats/dogs and feminism/patriarchy. 

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that I'm not going to talk about similarities between dogs and women (slaves to men, "man's best friend," all that jazz) and such -- the other bloggers already did that, and frankly it's a moot point in my mind. I am going to talk about aspirations, however -- what we aspire to be, what we should aspire to be, and who or what we should hold in our esteem -- and, indeed, our friendship. 

We've come a long way as women, thanks to a lot of things, but mainly feminism. But one thing we've forgotten, I think, is sisterhood. Friendship. We've become a bunch of competitive, catty (there's a reason for that word), sniping harpies, picking on each other for not being 'feminist enough' or being 'too feminist'. Frankly, my advice to the people on both ends of the spectrum is to CHILL. THE. FUCK. OUT. 

I stopped calling myself a feminist for a while, because I didn't like what the word had come to mean. It apparently meant "man-hating butch" who, while espousing all the ways men and the patriarchy are evil, strives to be like a man in every respect while also stating that ANYthing that pleases men is BAD. Pictures of women being sexual? BAD, because a man might find pleasure in it. Wearing skirts and nice clothing? BAD, because a man might find pleasure in it -- we should all get buzz-cuts and wear camo while talking about castrating every man we see. Actuallly, I think a really really good example of the kind of "feminist" I'm talking about can be found in the movie PCU, wherein the "womynists" (oh gods, people, learn your fucking etymologies and realize that changing a few letters in a word to make it more "politically correct" or whatever nonsense you're spouting just makes you look stupid) fit this description quite well. (In fact, the movie is great to watch for many reasons, that being just one of them.) And yes, I have met women who, while maybe not being as extreme as I have described, do fit the general bill. As I said, it's a spectrum. 

On the other end of that spectrum is, of course, the backlash against feminism -- women should just "shut up and get face-fucked" by their husbands because what else is a woman's mouth good for except to hold her master's penis? Don't rock the boat, ladies, we have a pretty good racket going here! Shush -- you should be grateful for what you have. 

Blah, blah, blah -- ad infinitium. 

This, ladies, is bullshit. Manure. Both viewpoints border on fundamentalism. And holding the more extreme one that gave birth to the term "feminazi" makes people ashamed to be feminist. My brother told me that he used to consider himself a feminist until he took a women's studies class. I wasn't particularly surprised. I know many women who refuse -- flat out refuse -- to call themselves feminist because of the negative connotations the word holds. 

Um, ladies -- we did this to ourselves. Taking a viewpoint and going so incredibly extreme with it makes us look stupid. That's why so many feminists aren't taken seriously -- because of that man-hating, militantly anti-anythingyoulike attitude. 

There is a rift in the feminist community -- not just between these two viewpoints, but let's stay here for now. Feminists can't get along -- when really, we should, even when we don't agree.  Especially when we don't agree. Is your best friend someone who shares your every viewpoint? Didn't think so -- and yet the two of you get on famously. Why should it be any different with any other group of intelligent, thinking, mature people? I disagree with many, many people -- with many feminists, come to mention it. We're still civil, we still get along. There is no reason not to. 

Which brings me to my point about cats and dogs. 

Now, I am going to say right now that I am a panspecieslover -- I'll pet anything (without spikes or, you know, venom), and I love most every animal alive. I think skunks, snakes, lizards, turtles, and tapirs are cute, and I love cats. I am not so fond of insects or arthropods, but I do tolerate their presence so long as they do not crawl on me. So I do love animals quite a bit. I am not particularly arguing in favor of one animal or another in a general sense -- however, in a feminist sense I am arguing in favor of dogs, especially regarding what feminists should aspire to be -- not what we already are. 

It was mentioned that women have a lot in common with dogs -- we've been oppressed by the patriarchy for far too long, at least in Western society -- and that we should support our bitch sisters in solidarity, to help free them from the oppression. I don't find such comparisons helpful. Why confine ourselves to what has defined us for so many years? Why not look forward to what we can be? 

Yes, dogs are oppressed by people. I won't deny this. Yes, people oppress each other. This is obvious. However, the main point we're lacking here is the enlightenment of dogs. 

Dogs are lovers. They will find that one redeeming quality in you and love you for it. If a dog does not care for a person, watch out -- there's no redeeming quality there to love. They are good judges of character, but they are not judgemental. They will not hate you because you come home in a foul mood because that jerk you work for made a sexist comment and you can't say anything lest you get fired and you really need the money so you can't risk losing the only job in this one-horse town. They will not tell you to shut up. They will not tell you your feelings are not valid. They will sit and listen to you vent, and when you're done, or maybe while you're venting, they will give you a small lick on the hand or foot, a sort of "It's okay, Mistress. I love you!" 

Dogs are generous in their befriending of others. My dog, Major, is a particularly good example of this. He wants to be friends with everybody! Cat, dog, baby, adult, porcupine, bear -- you name it, he'll sniff it, give it a lick, and play with it. Major is a true friend -- he'll be by your side in the tough times, and scouting ahead for danger. He always has a smile for you or a lick for your hand. 

He's a smart cookie, too. When we made the decision to adopt him after having him in our house for a few days, mom made the call to the SPCA and told them we'd decided to keep him. After the phone call he came up to each of us and gave us a lick on our hands, saying "Thank you." It was completely obvious he'd understood everything we'd said and was grateful he got to be with us (we're his third owners).  He listens when we talk. He understands what we say. He lets us be ourselves. He is, unquestionably, his own self in this family. In fact he may be the most genuine member of this family. 

Cats are different. They don't make friends the way dogs do -- a cat may be your friend, but he'll be there when it's damn convienient to him, not when you need him. (I'm sure there are cat owners who will disagree, but I'm speaking in generalizations for the sake of argument.) Cats are independent, sure, so they're easier to have around. But they're also loners moreso than dogs -- they represent the individualistic mentality that characterizes so much of America, whereas dogs represent the pack mentality. Pack mentality is usually looked down upon, but if you go and read up on or watch a few movies about wolf packs, you'll see what a cohesive, loving family unit one is. Community is important. That's a good point, so I'll say it again. 

Community is important. There is no community with felines, no cat coterie. Cats are independent creatures and I think the reason they appeal to so many feminists is because of our own struggle for independence. I think what most feminists have forgotten is the importance of of remembering our community -- our community of other women -- while we struggle to be ourselves. 

It's hard to be a feminist when so many other people -- some self-proclaimed feminists, some not -- are telling you what you're doing wrong for the movement. 

"Don't wear so much make-up -- you're not feminist enough." 

"Don't wear that flannel -- it makes you look like a lesbian."

"FEMINISTS DON'T WEAR SKIRTS AND HEELS WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING?"

None of these attitudes are helpful! They're catty comments -- like cat-scratches, they hurt [the cause]. 

Feminists need to remember their sisters. They need to emulate the dog and extend a paw in friendship to other feminists. No more of this catty isolationism -- we need to recall community and do things for the good of the pack, not our own self-serving interests. 

Major understands this. He's been our best friend for the past two (almost three!) years. He's shown us the way, and has been instrumental in our joining the small-town community of Powell River, and forging friendships with other strong-minded women. Some feminist, some not, but it really doesn't matter, because Major teaches us a valuable lesson -- we need to have a strong pack if we want to survive. Lone wolves, while they may be bad-ass and cool looking, don't last long in the wilderness. 

My argument has been made, so here are some obligatory puppy pictures! 

Beautiful boy! So happy looking!

What a friendly dog!

Over and out,

-Katje

State 'O' the Union

I submitted this to a Brickfish campaign -- it can be found here, and I've also posted it below for your reading pleasure. Please go to the site and comment/rate!

By the People, For the People by Katje van Loon

Asking myself what Obama will do for the US in his four years, I've come to an important realization. It's not about what Obama will do for us -- it's about what we'll accomplish under his leadership. Barack Obama has given the American people something very, very important: he's given us hope in a time when we thought all hope was gone. He gave us a future we could look forward to when all seemed bleak, full of despair. He gave the activists a reason to keep on acting -- because we felt, for the first time in a while, that the fight was worth the energy we'd put into it.  

Obama is not the second coming. He's not Jesus. He's not Hercules. He's not any sort of deity, demi or full, and we shouldn't worship him as such. He's a man. A man who speaks eloquently and with passion and a man who gave a people hope again. That is something to celebrate -- that is something to love him for. And I do love him, for I think that he is a lovable man, and that his family is lucky to have him as husband and father. But I do not worship him. I am grateful to him for giving us what we lost, what had not been ours for a while.  

I am not concerned so much with what Obama does in his four years (or more) in office. I think he's made a strong start, with choosing choice, and that's an important example to set for the people. I am more concerned with how we follow his example -- it's up to us as the people to make this country great. It has always been up to us, not the leaders. The leaders are there to do just that -- lead. We cannot ask them to make everything better for us.  

Obama will not fix every problem we have, he will not rebuild America single-handedly. He will, however, provide the vision and the inspiration that we the people need to accomplish that feat ourselves. By the people, for the people. Let's take a page from the president's book and say YES WE CAN to change. Let's make that change happen ourselves.  

America has a brighter future, now. I envision a future where we do have the choice to rule our own lives; where a "green" lifestyle is more accessible to more people and not prohibitively expensive; a peaceful future where we're not at war with others; a new economic structure or at least a chance to get out of this hole we're in; a future of good service to our communities; and a future where America is well-liked by the world again. I see these things coming about and more with Obama our leader, our lamp in dark times -- our inspiration to do for our country what needs to be done.

The state of the union has and always will be "by the people and for the people" -- sometimes it's just hard to look past the despair and see that. Obama has given us the hope we need to make our country great again.

Remember -- America is the land of the free because of the brave. The brave who act upon what hope and inspiration has given them -- the brave who protested at Kent State, the brave who marched with Martin Luther King Jr, and the brave who spoke out against injustice during the last administration. Bravery is fear plus action, and hope is fuel for action. Let hope and freedom ring out throughout this land.

This made me laugh

I should try this next time I talk to someone who's anti-choice.

You may notice I use the term 'anti-choice' and not 'pro-life'. That's because I am pro-life, pro-choice -- it's possible to be both. These people are pro-life, anti-choice. The members of CF_hardcore are probably pro-choice, anti-life. But I digress. 

Personally I think abortion is wrong -- no, I don't have a real reason for feeling that way, I just do -- it's an emotional thing for me. But when it comes to legalizing it/keeping it legal, I support legal abortions, because it comes down to choice and rights. If women are legal people then they should have control over their reproductive systems. Simple as that. 

To use an analogy, I support legalizing marijuana -- I don't smoke it, don't particularly like it, but I support the right for people to smoke it, whether for religious or recreational reasons. Because equality under the law is just that -- equality. You can't pick and choose who gets what rights. 

No really

Go here.

Focus!

I has none, apparently. 

I swear I'm getting ADD. That or it's the 20+ books I need to read for school, the work I need to do for VM, the lack of sleep, the job, and the homework and notes that I need to be working on -- add in trying to get this project (Poems for Obama) up and running and popular (please, please, PLEASE write about it in your blog if you have the time to do so and you think it's a cool idea -- I would so very much appreciate it) and writing 200K words this year and fulfilling my goals/resolutions/etc and then I go and do stupid things like read conservative blogs (my brain. it hurts.) and I am losing. my. mind. 

Serious. 

And it's only the first week of school. Thank gods for bowling tonight. Need some unwind time. Maybe I'll drink (I doubt it though; haven't touched a drink in over a month and I'd like to sort of stay on the wagon though I'm not officially recovering or anything). Oooh gods, I need to update my resume! 

See what I mean about the focus thing? Fucking ADD. 

Yeah, there's this event called CITT -- basically a techie (theatre, people) trade show and party -- on January 16th, and my theatre club at school is going. I'm excited. I get to meet industry professionals, pass out my resume, have pizza with techies and then party all night long, waking up on Saturday morning at some ungodsly hour with a horrible hangover to catch the 6:30 ferry back so I can do my paper route and get the papers delivered by 12 noon. 

Oh and I need to get my last Anthropology book by Joy Hendry, seeing as I can download NOTHING on this computer (well I could do it at school I suppose but I hate reading things on screen) so I think I may look for it when I am in Vancouver. 

Oh, yeah, on the subject of writing (we weren't, really, but we are now) I have a writing blog called Muerta's Tears: favorite of criminals and nobles -- it's a blog for my poetry and short prose, so if you want to read any of that stuff, just go and click some links. I made the default page the explanation page because it's not all safe for work, but there may be something up you may enjoy. My Poem for Obama is up there -- transit stories. 

Ok, I can barely concentrate now (too jittery) so I'm going to go and get ready for bowling. Yay bowling!

-Katje

Poems for Obama

Poems for Obama

Calling all Canadian poets!

CBC is putting together 49 songs for Obama, calling it Obama's Playlist. The Powell River Live Poets' Guild is doing the same, but with poetry! We need poems from you on what it means to be Canadian so we can compile 49 of them into a book and send them to the President-Elect as an inauguration gift. 

The book won't be finished in time for the 20th, but we're telling the President-Elect what we're doing, and the book will get there soon afterwards. We need Canadian poems! Poems on Canada, Canadian identity -- what do you want to say to the 44th president? 

Please send all poems to mettalaw [at] gmail [dot] com. Include whatever name you want to appear with your poem!

When the poems are together and ready and the book is printed, we're going to get it signed by the people who sent it in and then send it to Obama. 

So what do you say? Are you with us? 

New Beginnings

2009 is going to be amazing and good. It has to be because it can't be any worse than 2008. I know I'm going to look at the incoming new year with hope in my eyes and a feeling that things will work out this time. 

Hope that may get crushed soon afterwards, but c'est la vie. 

2008 has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me. It has been incredibly tough on me -- even the good times have been tough, for a lot of them have been results of major change. And major change is always hard to adjust to. 

This coming year I'm making a...well, not a resolution, because I never keep those. We'll just say it's something I'm going to do. And that is I'm going to be alone. Not isolated, not lonely. Just...alone. The highest point of 2008 and the lowest point both had to do with men. I'm tired of having my life revolve around someone else's. I'm tired of having my emotions go on rollercoasters because of my relationships. From now on it's going to be Katje feels this way because of what Katje is doing, not because of the PMS her lover is experiencing. No more Katjeand[insert name here]. Just Katje from now on. 

I do have some goals for this year as well. Some are listed in the previous entry (more specifically, what I'm going to accomplish by equinox, or March 30th). Others have been made tonight. 

• Write 200,000 words this year on several projects. 
• Finish three books. 
• Write 12 poems (one a month). 
• Publish a book of poetry. 
• Get my publishing company up and running.
• Work through Evolutionary Witchcraft. 
• Look into pursuing Women's Studies as a double-minor (and possibly declare).
• Eat well. Sleep at night. Stay fit.

The standard self-betterment procedures. I hope this time I follow through. I think, though, that I've finally made some breakthroughs in my wall of issues and will finally be able to complete a lot of my goals. 

In 20 minutes my new life will begin. 

Goodbye and good riddance, 2008. 

Hello, 2009. Aren't you a pretty pretty thing.

-Kat

Invisible

Well, I've been great on the sleeping thing. Two nights in a row I've gone to bed early and waked up by 7am. If I can keep this up into the school year I'm home free. 

I've started participating in the Life's To Do List thing on The Cauldron -- it's a quarterly thing where you post your goals for the quarter and update as to how they're coming along. First quarter is from Yule to Ostara (winter solstice to spring equinox). So here is my list of 26 goals. 

Career! Which is not to say money, because I am an artist. 
1. Finish and publish Bellica by February. 
2. Work on getting accepted as model at a certain company.
3. After finishing Bellica start writing more on The Man of Bronze.
4. Don't mess up with stage-managing Vagina Monologues (ie, get a good recommendation and have something worth putting on my resume).

School
1. Another four-A semester, at least. 
2. Pass History this time around. 
3. Get my books before classes start. Maybe? (Depending on when my loan comes in of course.)

Body/Mind/Spirit/Wallet
1. Work on getting rid of the Buddha Belly. 
2. Get my next two tattoos in January (presumably when my tattoo-artist friend comes to visit me).
3. Go to the school gym regularly. (My gods, Katje, the membership is free -- what are you waiting for? Aside from the campus to open again.)
4. Get rid of stuff/stop being such a packrat. (Following that, become more tidy. Hard to do with this much stuff.)
5. Get a job. Make money. 
6. See a psychologist. 
7. Go to the dental clinic. 
8. Work on getting that Mac. 
9. Put away enough money for Witchcamp and possibly Dragon*Con.
10. Get car fixed and re-insured.
11. Read more books; donate ones I don't wish to keep to Literacy Nanaimo. 
12. Get snow clothing.

Staving off Depression (fun stuff!)
1. Spend more time with friends (so long as homework/etc is done). 
2. Watch season two of Battlestar Galactica (after Bryce gets it, of course).
3. Watch through every movie I haven't seen in my DVD library. 
4. Make friends watch every movie they haven't seen. 
5. Go to the outdoor drug-free rave party thing in February. 
6. Complete Final Fantasy VII. 
7. Finish FFX (again) and then FFX-2, provided the latter gets mailed to me (ex still has my stuff).

Grades et al

Two A's, two A+'s, an Incomplete until I do the final in January, and an F. 

The surprising part is where I got those grades. A+ in Theatre? No surprise. Her class is designed in much the same way the final battle with Yu Yevon in Final Fantasy X is -- you CAN'T lose. Also, it's fucking theatre. Of course I rock that shit. 

A+ in French? OMGWHAT.

A in Sociocultural Anthropology. I admit surprise. I was her best student and was fairly sure I'd get an A+. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just an "Oh, ok," sort of surprise, not a "WHAT OMG I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT I'M SO MAD" sort. 

Here's the big surprise: F in History and INC in English. I was pretty sure I'd get an F in English and a D in History. However, I am a lazy whore and didn't do my final paper for Hist, and so forfeited my grade. Also I'm pretty sure I bombed the final. 

Now, if I pass English by acing the exam and end up with a fail in History, I am going to laugh so hard. So so hard. 

In other news, I am not going to any sort of family thing for Christmas. Bryce is coming over and we are having turkey et al dinner. I'm making him bring dessert. Debating whether or not I should make mashed potatoes from the box I have or if I should buy potatoes and make em from scratch. Regardless I need to get milk, so maybe I'll pick some taters up while I'm doing that, just as an "in case the fake mash sucks balls". 

Excited! Which is saying something major, as I've been moping around the house like Major when he's been scolded since the winter break began. So tired. So depresed. So emo.

Also, very very hungry. Going to go eat now. 

in memoriam

Bettie Page died Thursday night. She was 85. 

I am incredibly sad. She was one of my idols, and now I'll never get a chance to meet her.  I realize this is an incredibly selfish reason to be upset over her death, but I can't help it. She was an amazing woman. The world has lost someone great, in my opinion. I can only be grateful that she passed peacefully, and will be remembered fondly. 

Gods-speed, Bettie Page, you Fancy Bastard (as Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue would say). Your contributions to the sexual landscape of Western society were incredibly valuable, and you helped shape the future and pave the road for the sexual revolution of the 1960s. As sexual beings, and as women, we are indebted to you. I hope the Summerland holds all you could possibly want. 

oh, by the way

YES WE FUCKING CAN!

show me love

so the super-quick rundown of KATje's life to date:

• still moving into my place, officially. this is crazy. i live in the ghetto (superghetto) and it's just barely livable. whatever. first year university -- what did i expect?
• theatre is awesome, even if the basic social structure is the same as it was in highschool
• i love anthropology. i need to study more.
  
• history is an awesome class as well. i also need to study more in that one.
  
• english...makes me want to murder things. but when does it not?
• i love French because my teacher is awesome. i'm actually learning the language, which is great.
  
• the campus itself is trying to kill me; the thing is built on a hill and is MADE OF STAIRS. i swear i climb 400 steps a day.
  
• i'm losing weight.
  
• thanksgiving dinner was pizza and mashed potatoes. classy.
• i need more tupperware.
  
• i'm participating in nanowrimo. meaning in november i'm going to try and write 50,000 words in Bellica. you know, on top of studying for finals and doing my research papers. plan? do papers NOW.
  
• i've listened to the same songs on repeat for about two months now.
  
• yay for halloween! seriously excited over here. have 3 pumpkins waiting to be carved.
  
• also excited for the tattoos i'm planning on getting this december. or one tattoo. depending on how it works out.
  
• mom's running for school board and i'm incredibly proud of her.
  

and now i'm very tired and sick so i must go to sleep. sleepy byes.

xoxo
katje

long story short

school has eaten me and has yet to spit me back out again.


maybe will update thanksgiving weekend. no promises.