Fuck you God. Fuck you and your whole holier-than-thou posse.
Was eleven days too long for your great fucking omnipotence? Was it? You couldn't make my wonderful canine companion's kidneys hold out the eleven days it would take me to get home? Was that too much for your little hands of doom and greatness? Could handle creating the fucking universe but not keeping Blue healthy long enough for me to see her one last fucking time?
Blue was all that mattered to me. Through thick and thin, when the going got tough I was able to keep my faith in You, God, because Blue was with me. Even when I was close to losing it all--her smiling furry face was there to remind me that You existed, and that You loved me.
I knew it was her time. How could I not, between her back breaking and her heart failing and her energy dropping like a lead balloon? I knew. But I hoped that you would love me enough to let me be with her. To be with someone, not all alone in Guatemala. You couldn't even let it happen before mom left. You had to be completely sure that I had no one to hold me as I cried and cried and cried until the 98% water that makes up my body was gone. You had to be sure that she wouldn't survive my abscence, even after I decided to come home a month early, and you had to be sure that I would be alone in my grief and anger.
Whatever trust I might have placed in you is gone. FUCK YOU. Fuck you god. You fuck and you fuck and you fuck with people until they can't take it any more and turn to drugs and alcohol and theatre.
Oh, gee--just when I decided to quit those three, just when I thought my life was picking up--sure, there's no money and I'm still fat as fucking hell, but life was getting steadily better and had been stable for months--no suicide attempts in weeks! Big fucking improvement, don't you think?--then, then you had to do this. And not even the fucking courtesy of letting Mom be with her. Mom was in LA.
Do you even care? Or notice? Too busy searching the divinenet with yahweh! to make her last 11 more days? Her spirit would have held out--it wasn't a broken heart she died of. It was her fucking kidneys that gave out.
But I suppose your Sniper Rifle takes up a lot of energy.
That's it. I'm done. The only angel I believe in now is One Winged...and I have a lot to learn from Sephiroth's anger.
Know that my anger is great...and I shall strike down all in my path with a great and terrible vengenance.
