greeks

This is my reply to an imdb.com thread about the movie Alexander, and said leader's sexual orientation. Most of the replies on the thread were along the lines of "OMFG he's a fanny-bandit gross!" or "I won't believe that such a great leader was a FAG!" or some sort of middle in-between. It made my head hurt. So....read on and enjoy.




Wow, all the bigotry is making my brain develop a tumor, much like my cellphone does. [Thanks to all the intelligent replies, however, in particular, FBforshort and Darth Maligna.]

Now, although I know that this subject has been beaten to death and then some, I just love arguing for the sake of argument, so now I shall...on a topic that hasn't been hit with a baseball bat.

Alexander is only considered 'great' because history is written by the winners in any situation--in world history, this happened to be Patriarchy, with a capital P. If history were written by women, or even egalitarian rule (*shocked!gasp*), it would no doubt praise Alexander's leading capability, but go on to question just why military victories and conquering other peoples is a good thing in the first place. He paved the way for the Roman Empire---oh, good, so he made it even more possible for people to be killed and then assimilated by yet another Empire in search of power, for the Celtic warrior peoples to eventually be defeated, and for the decline and fall of Paganism to Christianity, which eventually led to the Burning Times/Women's Holocaust. Wonderful.

The issue here is not Alexander's sexual orientation, which was Greek, if anything---the issue here is that men are always portrayed as the 'Lords of the Universe' and that stories about ancient times rarely focus on women, because the rulers of the world have buried those stories. Amazons become myth, most high school students don't know who Sappho is, and the Goddesses of Pagan times are demonized--Lilith, to name one--or turned into male gods--Janua Coeli, who became Janus (and now, if you look up her name, it lists her as the 'wife of Janus')--or turned into male saints--Juno Augusta, for example. Alexander was portrayed as a great leader, which he may or may have not been, depending on your viewpoint--but his mother, who was obviously a supplicant to the Minoan Serpent Mother Goddess, is demonized in the movie and not even mentioned in the history books. [By the way, kudos to Angelina Jolie for being so wonderful and gorgeous.] And all of Alexander's "I've taken you farther than my father ever dreamed" lines? Sure, he did. He surpassed his father's dreams. So where did he get the ambition from? His mom, obviously. His mom is the one who groomed him to rule, who made sure he did. And she gets treated like crap. In Troy, where was Kasandra? Neither seen nor mentioned. The strongest woman character in that movie was Andromache, and if you've read The Firebrand by Marion Zimmer Bradley, you know what a travesty that is. In all the King Arthur stories, Morgan le Fey is demonized, and Merlin exalted. Why? Because Merlin is male. And Morgan le Fey is a human incarnation of the Celtic War Goddess Morrigan. No, we can't have any strong female deities, now can we? That would threaten our precious and rather fragile manhood. In the history books, Queen Boudicca is seen as crazy bitch, and Medea is always portrayed that way. Medusa? Angry Bitch #19823982. Never mind her right to be angry.

Frankly, I could care less about Alexander's sexuality. While it's always nice to see guys kiss, and it chalks one up for the gay community (of which I'm a member, I may add), he was a strong leader whether or not he was gay or bi or pan. The point is that these movies and these stories put women 'in their place'--in the shadows, or demonized if they're given a front row place. The only Goddess mentioned is Aphrodite, who was by no means the strongest of them.

Someday, we'll live in a world where it will please people of all walks of life to see a lovely love story on screen, regardless the characters' genders and sexual orientations, and where people aren't bigots because they recognize that it takes all kinds to make a world.

Beat.

*bursts out laughing* Wow, I'm funny. Go me.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I'm not okay.

I fake it till I make it; I smile and I wave and I am that lovable bitch that everyone wants to hang out with for some fucking unfathomable reason. I cook and I clean. I do the laundry. I read books. I post to my blog like a good girl. I write essays that spark controversy and I write prose that few believe I wrote. I surpass what I am every day in every creative endeavor. I dress like a girl and I wear make-up and I make sure I look my best (as good as I want to look being my best). I leave the hair-dye in too long and I sing too loud and off key and inside I'm screaming....

I don't sleep and I drink coffee and I eat badly; I go to my counselor's after getting into a good mood. I punch the wall in the shower so I won't kill someone. I take alcohol and pain-killers in the hope of killing my liver or some other vital inner part of myself, hoping it will die with the voices. The voices don't go away. Inadequate. Ugly. Stupid. Selfish. Greedy. Loud. Bitchy. Imperfect. Lazy. Cold. Heartless. Worthless. The words drill into my brain, bouncing in my echo chamber, reminding me of what I don't want to see and what I don't want to remember. I know it's there and I know I'm not perfect and I know and I know, but I cannot accept it--I do not want to accept it. I do not want to and I can not accept that I am human because I have such high standards of my own behavior and when I fail I find reason to hate myself even more and it starts a cycle over and over and over again.

I wear my emotions on my sleeve; I can't guard myself for shit. I'll keep on getting hurt because I fucking ask for it.

If this is what you want, then fire at will. I'm open. How much more can you wound my heart? It died long ago; I don't think there's a beat left in it. Just hit me again and again and again until I bleed--is this what you want? Is this what you want me for? A punching bag for your issues? Is this my lot in life?

Abuse me, if you think there's any worth in beating a dead horse.

revtwentytwotwenty

And I keep driving and driving and driving till I can no more till the gas runs out till the headlights hit what I don't want to see and my dashboard is my altar and my stereo is my screambox and no one will hear me all locked up in my moonbeam of mealtimes of soulfeeding of lost and wondering and I hope they never find me because of course they can't swim.

There are games I play in my head to keep me entertained to keep the voices at bay to keep them from saying what I shouldn't hear why does it hurt so much?

They're sucking at me, sucking at my life force drinking my blood and sucking me dry and these are games that my vampires play and I think I might be enjoying it now.

Transylvanian concubine. I know what flows there like wine.

Orwellian

This is my final essay for history class. I don't expect anyone will read it; I'm just trying to fill up my blog with random and senseless posts. However, if you like it and wish to cite it (somehow I doubt this) give credit where it is due, or I'll hurt you.

Totalitarianism and Economic Disparity in Modern America

Totalitarianism is a modern version of absolutist monarchial rule. It has arisen in fascist and communist states, and has been feared in the minds and hearts of American citizens, and probably the rest of the Western world. However, America has become the very type of empire which it feared for so long. How well do post-9/11 events in America match the earmarks of totalitarianism?

Pretty damn well. The Patriot Act, disguised as a way to 'keep us safe from the terrorists', has taken away our civil liberties, kicking them out the door before they've had their morning coffee. It's a sad thing to see in a country that was founded on dissent and terrorism—America has been a grand experiment in democracy since its conception. Unfortunately, Aristotle was right: Democracy, even in its highest form, is perverted.

Not only the Patriot Act is something to be worried about—other decisions and bills have made America into a fascist state. The Padilla decision vested complete power over the American population—including citizens—in the president. Jose Padilla was arrested and held in prison without a charge for over three-and-a-half years before someone brought the question before the Supreme Court of 'whether or not we can do this'. The decision of the Supreme Court was that citizens can be arrested and put in prison 'at the President's pleasure.' There is a similar practice in Canada and Britain: one can be held in contempt of court "at her majesty's pleasure", but one must be charged first and is only held for twenty-four hours. Jose Padilla is, as far as I know, still in jail without a reason.

Bush's regime is fascist—the blending of corporate and political power into one scary entity. However, one of the scarier facets of Bush's regime is the stacking of the Supreme Court with severe right-wingers. We may be able to get rid of Bush and take our nation back (a hope that many still entertain), but we'll never get rid of these guys. Supreme Court justices will be in power until they retire or die—and as Bush is choosing young Fundamentalist Christo-Fascists, we're going to have less-than-liberal decisions coming out of that court for the next fifty to sixty years. That tyranny will last the lifetime of my generation.

Other practices, such as renditions, torture, and secret prisons, have been in practice in America for over twenty years by the CIA and other such organizations. This is nothing new, except that now we know about it.

Bush's alliance with Halliburton and other oil companies as well as the Carlyle Group gives him complete rule over our source of energy and our media and information technology. Our communications are monitored, what we see as news is controlled, and songs like "Walk Like An Egyptian" or "New York, New York" are banned from radio stations owned by Clear Channel. Al Gore has figured out that the way to get the country back is to start his own television station—which he has done. It can be seen on the internet, the last standing place to get information.

Glorification of war is another hallmark of totalitarianism—or at least fascism. The War in Iraq has been called the 'fight between good and evil' and many soldiers think of it as a 'war for Jesus'. What better way to glorify war than to say it's either Us or Them (thank you, Mussolini)? It stirs patriotism (fancy word for nationalism) in even the most anarchic of our citizens, and adds to a drive to support the war effort. This pushes the gap between rich and poor open wider: rampant warmongering leads to rampant consumerism, and drives people to buy things to prove their patriotism. As well, you don't see rich people's kids going off to war. There is a belief in this society that rich people are inherently better than poor people, simply because of the economic disparity. We're obsessed with celebrities and want to be like them; everything is about the almighty dollar; everything we do is to 'make it big'. The intelligent person forced into mindless work because of a lack of funds for higher training brings a gun to work because he just can't take it anymore; the bright student mocked for her abilities because of her appearance or background shows her classmates what real pain is when she finally snaps and finds grandpa's arsenal. If one isn't rich or pretty, one isn't worth it.

In totalitarianism, war is a constant state—in 1984, Oceania was either at war with Eastasia or Eurasia and allied with the other. Bush has refused to give an exit date for Iraq, and the Army is having trouble finding recruits. The possibility of a draft looms on the horizon. In reality, this war is the same war we've been locked into for a century. World War I didn't solve anything and led to World War II. World War II, in turn, solved some problems but created others, leading to the Cold War. Then, because of our fear of the soviets, the CIA trained people in Afghanistan to fight off Russia—those trainees of ours became the Al-Qaeda, which is now terrorizing our nation. American citizens are banging their heads against a wall—or they would be, if they were informed of any of this (or had you as a teacher). We're going around in circles—these wars (this war) solve nothing, and just create more conflict, misery and waste.

Bush obviously subscribes to the idea of the Divine Right of Presidents—he believes that "God told him to invade Iraq". Alliance with religion is another warning bell—though not necessarily a hallmark of Orwellian societies. The "God made me do it" reason is an excuse, a justification, of his need for revenge on Saddam for trying to kill his daddy and his need to control the oil in the world. Of course, this is all conjecture—Bush could be just a puppet, ruled by his seconds-in-command, who are the real world leaders. I frankly don't know what's scarier.

Marx said that economic disparity [thru class struggle] drives history. What is driving the war in Iraq? The gap between the haves and have-nots? Or the looming end of easy oil and ridiculous consumption by only 5 per cent of the world's population—us? Victory in Iraq means a monopoly over Middle-Eastern oil for a country that consumes too much.

Economic disparity has always driven the survival of human beings—in the dawn of our race, 'economy' meant 'food source'. Difference in food source led to wars and migrations on the part of our ancestors; as economies and money-systems developed disparity there drove the events in human history. Marx held that all politics were class struggle arising out of economic disparity. I don't think he could have foreseen the advent of globalism, best described by the phrase "think globally, act locally" Globalism is taking hold in the thoughts of many people today. Never before have we heard a cry to not be a "have" nation, to back off from "progress" and consumption. For example, in China workers are rioting because the policies of their country are ruining the ecosystem. They want to go back to more sustainable agriculture. Marx never would have imagined that. The "haves" and the "have-nots" want the same thing: demonstators at the World Trade Organization Summit wanted a sustainable ecosystem as well.

Currently, economic disparity is driving totalitarianism in this state. Money talks, and it seems that all the rich people are the conservative right-wingers. The richest people, of course, do not want to give up what they have—today's landed aristocracy wants to keep the status quo.

The gap between the haves and the have-nots, both within the US and among nations, is large and dangerous, and drives the glorification of war. Army recruiters target poor areas, because the appeal of a group that will pay one's way through college is great when one is on welfare or otherwise mired in poverty. In the Iraq War, already more than two thousand of these kids didn't live to use their college education, because they died in senseless war before their tour was up. In Iraq, 'insurgents' are really just mad about the theft of their oil, government, country, and way of life. The need for Fascist America to police the world has ripped away what they held sacred, impoverished them, and driven their need to drive us out. Just as the world did nothing when Hitler invaded Poland, so the world is doing nothing when Bush invades Iraq. So far the War in Iraq has cost 226 billion American dollars—funds that could have been used to get everyone off welfare, to fund finding an alternative to oil, to fund the educational system so teachers don't live hand-to-mouth and kids get a good grounding in not only world politics but also sexual relations, or to give every American healthcare. Instead, the government is more concerned with keeping us cowed with either fear or patriotism and giving healthcare to Iraqis. (Not that I don't think they shouldn't get it—but I do think that we need to start at home.)

Keeping us cowed with fear and patriotism drives our need to consume—when you watch television, that's all it is: fear and consumption, fear and consumption, in an endless cycle. "Killer bees attack; go buy duct tape." No wonder Wal-mart is so big—our very media, the ones who are supposed to bring us the truth, do nothing but fuel our desire to spend. And by spending, we are funding the war effort and the ones who keep this country under an iron thumb of Christo-Fascist b.s. $226 billion is the wedding ring that holds together the sacred fascist union of government and big business—in which government is the bitch. Except that this wife doesn't cook and clean up after her husband—she lets him do what he pleases to her household, destroying the environment with his dirty laundry and leaving bottles of toxic waste around the living room of the world. His depleted uranium is left to poison the children of tomorrow, and the wife goes and plays bridge with her friends, ignoring her children's cry for help. Doctor Mom has become Doctor Kevorkian. The American Empire needs euthanasia.

What many don't realize is that even if we do get a complete monopoly on oil in the world, our way of life is coming to an end. If we stop consuming as much as we do—I'm talking a ninety per cent decrease by 2030—it will be a gentler end than the alternative. If we don't cut back consumption, our society will collapse into total chaos.

Totalitarianism and economic disparity go hand in hand in today's world, fueling a warmongering state and a gap between haves and have-nots. Class struggle is as big an issue today as it was a century ago—with not as clearly defined classes. Today's landed aristocracy—or corporate big-wigs and conservative rich families—want to keep the status quo, and the impoverished 'left' do what we can to stop that. Like it or not, the status quo has to change—and while their god may come with a rapture option, mine doesn't. If we're going to do something, it must be done quickly, before we're living in Orwell's Airstrip One or Huxley's Brave New World, and it's too late to change anything. The time is now.

subterrania

All of this Past

Oh sweet dear merciful Goddess, You who nations form for, hear the cry of one of Your supplicants. Help me to be a healer in times of need, a shining light for my sisters and brothers in anguish, a beacon in this hell called earth, something to hold on when all else feels null. Help my problems to become insignificant, help me to rise above my ego into my higher self. Help me to keep myself to myself, to become that which all marvel at for her calm in the uttermost catastrophe. Only a few shall see the truth; only a few to who I will show myself.

Rev 22:20

Oh voluptuous gorgeous Goddess, You who carnal desires are realized for, hear the plea of Your daughter. Awaken the You within me; help me to be a vertible sex goddess in my everyday life. Help me to show my divine sensuality in every move, every step, every breath. Help me to be a light of raw passionate sexuality in a bleak world of suppressed and not allowed, help me to cleanse warriors of war, a modern vestal virgin in service to You. Help me to find that which heals, that which pulses from the root chakra in cleansing spirals upward, help me to be an agent of Your pure, divine sexual healing.

Judith

Oh all-knowing, all-seeing Goddess, You who great epics are written for, hear the thought of one of Your scholars. Help me to be a vertible store of knowledge. Help my mind to quiet, to be still, and receptive to Your knowledge. Help me to be able to retain that which I know I have a knack for, help my studies to become clear to me. Help me through the next years of schooling I have ahead of me, and help me to carry on in Your name. Help me live to the full potential of my intelligence.

Death Dealer's Descent

Oh powerful blood-thirsty warrior Goddess, You who wars are fought for, hear the plea of a knight in Your service. Help me to be a warrior for you, to bring your name to the forefront, and to smite down religious intolerance where it rears its ugly head. Help me to be a help to the lonely, the unwanted, the scapegoats, the feared and the hated. Help me to help those who are beyond help. Those that society rejected because of 'difference', those that cannot find love. Let me be a warrior to change the world to accept those that are different--let me join Your army of truth-seekers as we fight to undo the wrongs that have been done; as we fight to make the world friendly to all regardless all differences that separate us. Let those differences unite us as a human family. Let us rejoice in them, as we rejoice in our similarities. Let us remember that we are brothers and sisters, and that we once spoke a common language: a language of love.

Weak and Powerless

To the Lonely Generation, as this is what I am calling my generation: I know you are angry, I know you are alone, and I know you want change. I know you have given up. We have been told that we'll never do anything of worth, but when we come up with any sort of idea we are not listened to. We retreat into castles built of black paint and blaring music, into our walls of superficiality and shallow behavior so we won't feel the hurt that comes when we're told our thoughts don't matter. We retreat and are hated for it; we come out to fight and are booed off the battlefield. Those who run our world won't listen and think that we are of no worth; when we accept this and stop caring, we are looked down upon for our apathy. There seems to be no end to this cycle.

Awakening

We need to stand and take our world now. The time is now. The adults keep on saying We are the ones we have been waiting for--I think that applies to us more than anyone else. The time of the last generation to rule is reaching its end--soon it will be our turn. What are we going to do? Are we going to drift in apathy until Oh, shit, we're in charge aren't we? What the fuck are we supposed to do? Or are we going to start something now--start building the leadership skills we'll need in order to save humanity?

Falling Through The Sky

Because it is up to us. It is up to the Lonely Generation to use that anger we hold deep inside to get up and save humanity, and the world. Fossil fuels are running out and our society will collapse without a source of power so abundant and effortless. We have to reduce our consumption and put our brilliant young minds together to find a solution. We have to reduce our population size, and if celibacy is the answer, then so be it. We have the strength--we must use it. And we must not fear using it. We must come together in peace and tolerance, putting aside our arguments and grudges in order to come up with a plan to fix our world.

Because it's the only one we've got. And I don't know about your god, but mine doesn't have a rapture option.

All circuits are NOT busy

The telephone computer lady lies to me. I shall find her in the small hours of the night and put a bat up her night dress.

Happy Sinterklaas Day, by the by. Today is Dutch christmas, when Sinterklaas comes around on a horse with his 'elf' (read:slave), Black Pete, and puts gifts in children's wooden shoes that they leave by the hearth. But as Black Pete is in charge of putting the gifts into the shoes, he fucks up and five-year-olds get mommy and daddy's 'love snacks' (like Belgian chocolate body paint). At least, this would happen were Holland not home of the uber-conservative Protestants. At any rate, this is Holland's traditional winter celebration--a way to blame the black guy, once again. I don't know where it stems from; maybe I'll do some research and write a paper on it. When I was young my parents and I celebrated it, as well as Hanukkah and Christmas...so I got 3 chances at presents.

Another winter holiday we celebrated but one that did not gain me any gifts was the Winter Solstice, or Yule, as I call it now. There is a huge fire festival on the 21st of December on Granville Island, where I used to live, in Vancouver, Canada. It is more a form of performance and mixed media art than an actual Pagan festival (Vancouver is an art hub), and all the big city heathens come and join in the festivities. One of the most fun parts about it, especially for the creatively inclined, is the lanterns you can make in the weeks leading up to the 21st. There are classes at the various studios at Granville Island where each person makes a lantern of their
own design, and at the festival everyone who's done so has a lit-up lantern. The afternoon is brightly lit (it gets dark /really/ early this time of year in Vancouver) with gorgeous tissue-paper lanterns. The festival itself is a combination of fire-dancing and fire-works---really quite a spectacular show---as well as communion with one's fellow Vancouverites.

Vancouver is home of the fire festivals--aside from the Solstice, the Symphony of Fire happens annually---sponsored by a cigarette company, but no one complains because it is a gorgeous event one doesn't want to miss. It's several nights of fireworks that can be seen from various places in the city, put to music. Different countries are represented each night. To hear the music one can listen on the radio or go to the official watching place (which is horrendously expensive, so most people don't). We had a perfect view from the apartment building where we used
to live. Usually we'd get together with the neighbors down the hall and watch the show together. Sometimes we'd go to another place in the city and sit on the dewy grass with other city heathens, enjoying what Vancouver has to offer.

I think it was partly the presence of fire festivals in my youth that led to my current religious affiliation. More correctly said, I've always /been/ a Pagan; I've /known/ for 9 years. And, unfortunately, I do not feel that my Pagan nature is supported at all here--I felt much more support, both from the humanity around me and the limited nature found there, in the dreary rainy city of Vancouver, B.C.

I miss home very much.


And maybe I don't really know what I want to do, but at least I know I have the freedom to change my plans--as one should be able to at this age. I'm 19; I'm spontaneous. ...on second thought, maybe my age has nothing to do with it. I'll probably always be spontaneous. This is something the rest of the world cannot handle.

They can fuck off.


Everything is floating right now. Which is...fine.

Eden

There has been something preventing me from caring this past month; preventing me from living since July. I fake it pretty well. No one knows that each breath I take I hope will be my last; no one sees the deep rends in my heart. I feel like I'm choking. There's not enough air here, there's not enough to keep me going. I've lost the ability to smell life, to taste it like I should. Everything is one more gray, shapeless blob, something that I cannot distinguish from the rest of the gray that makes up my world.

I live lies inside my head to make me feel better; I tell lies to my mother so she won't worry. No, I don't smoke, yes my grades are fine, I was tired when I left that message, I'm fine, I'm ok, just the same old same old, I'm eating right, I'm sleeping fine, things are fine with me and whoever, I'm low on cash but I'll be fine, there are other lesser problems in my life you should look at, I have no big problems, please don't worry I won't kill myself.

I never really tried to live when Blue was here and now that she's gone I can't do it anymore. I never ever appreciated what she gave and now I've never felt loss so strongly. I took for granted what I thought would be around forever even when I KNEW it wouldn't be.

And every day I wish God had taken me instead.