I got caught in a nightmare cycle while I slept last night. It was horrible. Quite possibly the worst I've ever been in.
I woke up never wanting to sleep again.
And I swear to god, the dream had better fucking be just borne of my own fear and paranoia and be in NO WAY premonitory.
Because if I lose him, I'll kill myself.
Maybe not literally, though there's no telling. Right now I have no idea how I'm even going to survive the next 6 months without him. And I know that if I do lose him, that's it. This is my heart's last chance for redemption. He is only one I will ever love for the rest of my life. I can't get hurt one more time and survive. This is one of those things I just know, regardless how fucking silly it sounds.
Hurt the heart too many times and it eventually just closes up.
And how do I tell him?
How do I find out if he feels for me what I feel for him?
I mean, fuck. I love you doesn't always equal you're the only one for me.
Shit. Looks like another night spent crying.
